The best and worst of golf movies

By BILL BROTHERTON

For those of us itching to hit the links, the wind, rain and snow of early March frustrated us to no end.

    One day, after breaking my back shoveling about eight inches of the heavy, wet stuff I nursed a Green Head IPA,settled int­­­o my cozy chair and binge-watched a batch of golf-themed movies. There are more of them than you’d think.

   “Caddyshack” has always been one of my favorites, and has been since it came out in 1980. It’s still hilarious. Even funnier is the Three Stooges’ short “Three Little Beers,” a 1938 howler that finds Moe, Larry and Curly creating mayhem at an exclusive country club and nearly destroying  the course, cutting down trees, damaging greens and doing their laundry in a ball-washer. Kudos, too, to a series of amusing instructional/slapstick comedy shorts by the legendary Bobby Jones; W.C. Fields is even in one episode!

   After 10 hours of viewing, I’d decided “Caddyshack” had slipped to No. 3 on my favorites list. Putting on both my Siskel and Ebert hats, here is my ranking of

golf-themed films.

1. “The Greatest Game Ever Played,” 2005, starring Shia LaBeouf, Elias Koteas,

Stephen Dillane.

A true underdog story of young amateur Francis Ouimet’s (LaBeouf) unlikely 1913 U.S. Open victory against renowned Brit Harry Vardon (Dillane) at The Country Club in Brookline. Lots of golf action, with a riveting undercurrent of class

prejudices and lack of support from Ouimet’s father. And

you’ll want to go to Google to see if Ouimet and Sarah

eventually married. Even though you know how this ends, it’s terrific entertainment.

2. “Tin Cup,” 1996, starring Kevin Costner,

Rene Russo, Don Johnson, Cheech Marin.

Lovable underdog Roy “Tin Cup” McAvoy (Costner), a train wreck of a human being and failed golfer, qualifies for the U.S. Open, where he competes against his arch nemesis Sims (Johnson) and competes for the affection of Sims’ girlfriend (Russo). A winning romantic comedy with lots of golf and

inside humor. Plus you’ll love the way she waggles it!

3. “Caddyshack,” 1980, starring Chevy Chase,

Rodney Dangerfield, Bill Murray, Ted Knight.

A classic National Lampoon comedy that evokes laughs no matter how many times you’ve seen it. Dangerfield is a riot and Knight is spectacularly insufferable, but they and “SNL”

stars Chase and Murray are upstaged by a gopher. “Whoa. Did somebody step on a duck?”

1. “Happy Gilmore,” 1998, starring Adam Sandler, Christopher McDonald, Julie Bowen with

memorable contributions by Bob “The Price is Right” Barker and Richard “Mr. Larson” Kiel.

First off, I detest Adam Sandler. His shtick is annoying as hell. But this comedy is priceless, equal parts “Caddyshack” and “Slap Shot.” The sight gags are sublime and the

one-liners are hysterical. The stuffy pro tour could use more lovable Happy Gilmores and fewer jerkward Shooter McGavins.

2. “Pat and Mike,” 1952, starring Spencer Tracy, Katharine Hepburn, Aldo Ray.Technically, not a golf movie. But there’s a glorious pivotal scene featuring Babe Didrikson Zaharias,

Hepburn’s Pat Pemberton and other women golfers on the course. One of Tracy-Hepburn’s best films, the chemistry between the stars is undeniable.

3. “Dorf on Golf,” 1987, Tim Conway,

Vincent Schiavelli.

Maybe the Green Head IPAs were talking, but this is silly, stupid, dopey, dumb foolishness. I laughed like an idiot at the antics of Conway’s diminutive golfer and clueless caddie Schiavelli.

1. “Bobby Jones: Stroke of Genius,” 2004, starring Jim Caviezel (The guy from

“Person of Interest”), Claire Forlani, Jeremy Northam.

2. “Dead Solid Perfect,” 1988, starring  Randy Quaid, Kathryn Harrold, Jack Warden.

3. “Donald’s Golf Game” and “The Honeymooners” “Hello, ball” episode.

1. “A Gentleman’s Game,” 2000, starring Mason Gamble, Gary Sinise, Philip Baker Hall.

2. “The Caddy,” 1953, starring Dean Martin, Jerry Lewis (despise him more

than Sandler; and the movie’s a dud), Donna Reed.

3. “The Squeeze,” 2015, starring  Katherine LaNasa, Michael Nouri, Jeremy Sumpter

1. “The Legend of Bagger Vance,” 2000, starring Matt Damon, Will Smith, Charlize Theron.New-age mush. An embarrassment. The outfits are great though.